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Ye GODS!

I thought I’d make a blog on blogger, for all my foody diety stuff but OH EM GEE, I hated it! So I have moved back over here, I have so many blogs on the go with so many usernames I have whiplash but oh well :D

So yeah, this is me, whinging about food now mostly, bet my whole 1 follower is dead pleased at that!

Today has not been good diet wise, cos all i’ve had so far is half a cup of coffee, most of that I spilt all over the place, gooooo me!

I can’t seem to get out of the crappy eating funk, and I really, really need to.  Not even eating crap, just generally not eating well at all.  No point crying i’m all fat and shiz if I can’t sort my life out.

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It’s been a while!

Gee, I have way neglected this blog.  SORRY!

I haven’t really had anything exciting happen, Simon is still at home a majority of the time so I tend to stay away from the PC unless he’s studying, and my phone has started to eat the battery like a MOFO!  UGH!

I did get stuck on Candy Crush for like a month, soooo frustrated, that’s about as exciting as my life gets… or at least as exciting as I am willing to admit on here ;)

I’m still loving my volunteering! I tend to be in the Kennels, which I do find very heartbreaking, but also love, because the dogs are all so gorgeous!   They tend to rehome quite fast, so it’s actually a pleasure to go in and find a dog gone to a home, rather than be sad about it.  There are a few “long term” dogs there that I find gorgeous, that can’t seem to find homes, and I have been tempted, but a lot of these dogs are NOT cat friendly so no chance!

Who would have thought that shovelling piles of dog crap and disinfecting a bunch of kennels would bring me so much joy! I walked a few of them last week too, which was great.. exercise and cute dog walking :D… just the little joy from their faces as they’re walking in the park. I fall in love way too easily, but with these buggers its hard to resist!

 

I really want to type tons more waffle on this blog but for some reason every 10 words or so it stalls for about 20 seconds and it’s really starting to naff me off!!!!

GRRRR

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MORNING HAS BORKEN.

Yeah, BORKEN.  I’m not changing that, it made me smile.

Ugh, WEATHER.  I used to love the cold and the snow, I lived for Winter!!! The older I get though, and the more I have to walk out in it and get my face whipped by hailstones, I start to dislike it.  Over the last year or so I’ve really loved the hot weather, just laying out on the kids trampoline growling at them if they come near it, because I’m sunbathing on it… so this whole snowing in March thing is kinda BLAH, and it makes my ears hurt.

Other than that, I’m pretty chipper!  I know, alert the media, right?! :P  Despite the fact I do like to voice when I’m sad, I’m a pretty upbeat person.   I let the little things get me down, but it doesn’t usually take me long to bounce back.  I decided yesterday I was going to try and not let the little thing get me down,  it’s almost impossible, I know… but I need to try.

I just have to tell myself I am a good person with a good heart, good intentions and I am a good friend to people, I do the best I can in most things (sorry Gym, I can’t get more into you) and I have a pretty blessed little life, even if at times it drives me craaaaaaaaaazy!   I thought about setting myself some goals, like do this, do that.. aim for this, go there, don’t do that.. but I am not very good at keeping to the goal driven path I’m afraid.   It’s like weightloss, I’ve been at a standstill for what seems like forever now, I eat reasonably healthy, I don’t shovel crap in, I work out… but probably I need to work out more, or work out my food and see what doesn’t suit, but with the overwhelming tired sometimes I just can’t bring myself to do it, gunna have to try tho!!

It seems my life revolves around this at the minute, it’s all I really care about, well I mean different than normal, of course I care about everything else going on in my life lol, but this is the one thing that chops and changes.  It frustrates me, a lot frustrates me… I have come to understand I am someone that gets frustrated easily, so I don’t even take my frustrations all that seriously myself anymore, they’ll pass, just like yesterdays frustration, I felt much better after I had vented, and less likely to whinge over it again.

I wonder what tomorrows frustration will be? Well I have to bake a cake for Sian to take on Friday for Comic Relief, it’ll probably be that.  I’m aiming fairly high so I expect tears LOL!   But that’ll be over on my cake blog, OMG! I MAY ACTUALLY POST THERE!!!!!

I was telling Sasy yesterday that my intentions for that blog are lofty, but I just haven’t had the time to sit down and down what I wanted to do with it.   My kitchen is only as big as a knats left buttock, so it’s hard to get everyone out of the way so I can play and yesssss, my kids could be in there helping me, but if I am trying to faff around cooking, I prefer solitude… they can cook with me when I don’t mind being driven insane.  I tell you they made a home made pizza the other night and not ONE utensil was left unused or pot, or plate.. it was carnage!! CARNAGE!!! FOR A 8″ PIZZA!!!!

Oh and in other, unrelated news… Holly decided she wanted to pierce her ears for a 2nd time, and did it on her own, in the bathroom then had to have my mum tell me cos she was scared… LOL.  Like i’m a big bad ogre, I have 4 in one ear and 3 in the other, hardly one to judge am I?! But the most hilarious bit is now that she did that, I can say “WELL IF YOU PIERCED YOUR OWN EAR I AM SURE YOUR SISTER TAPPING YOU ON THE BACK DIDN’T HURT THAT MUCH” when she breaks down in hysterics when they fight. SO looking forward to that! :D

<3

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Blahblehbluh

Random vent here!

So, it’s an SL related vent.   Part of me is like “gurrrrl, you should not let this be bothering you”, part of me is all “Blahblehbluh”.. and another part, well, I just feel frustration!

I was banned from a popular event recently, one I have blogged religiously since the day the doors opened, the reason for this ban isn’t really that clear to me, because I’ve never really had an explanation (along with a couple of others bannees), but it seems it’s because it was thought I was involved on a managerial/partner of another event, which was not and is not the case, and I have explained my plight/case/woe/whatever to the appropriate parties and have been met with a wall of silence (well actually I wasn’t to start with, but after a brief conversation and what I thought was “sorting it out” it seems the wall went up).  Now… why am I upset about this?   Nine years I’ve been in SL in May, Nine… and this is the first time I have ever been banned from anywhere and what makes me frustrated is the fact that it is for no reason, I didn’t do anything wrong, or bad, I didn’t copy or steal, I didn’t make a huge fuss about anything, hell, I didn’t even do what it is I think they think I have done (confused much? join the club)… and it just leaves me… wanting to just scream.

If there is one thing in life I cannot abide, it’s being frustrated.   Now, it’s well within anybodies rights in SL or RL or wherever to do whatever they please to whomever they please, for whatever reason.. but that doesn’t make it any less frustrating for those involved, especially when it’s all so seemingly.. silly, for want of a better word and don’t get me started on the use of words where this vent is concerned.

It’s not like I can’t wait for the items sold at any event as long as it’s not exclusive to be out in the main store, and I am more than happy to do that, but it just really riles me that as a customer I want to support creators I love that participate in said event, and can’t.  Sure I could ask for the items direct, but why would I want to do that?  I do actually get some of the items in the event sent to me via blogger lists I am on, but then I feel torn.  Should I blog them? I want to, it’s not the creators fault, but do I want to showcase an event that I am not allowed to participate in? Not really.   Do I want to be the bigger/better person? ALWAYS!… but not at the cost of my own self worth, which is how I feel about it on and off.  I am worth more than that, jesus, it’s only pixels! Why am I so annoyed?  I wish I knew, but I am, it really irks me and that probably is the reaction some might want when they ban someone, but I can’t for the life of me work out why you’d want that, unless you’re just not a very nice person, but I don’t think that’s the case.  (I like to see the brighter side of things and the good in everyone, it’s a downfall, or maybe it’s a good thing).

I feel dumb for venting about this, and in the grand scheme of life, it’s nothing, not even a blip on a radar, but to me, on and off, it really fucking matters because I hate things that have no rhyme or reason behind them.   Other people are participating on both a creator and blogger level for this event, AND the new one.. so why have I been singled out for punishment?  Although technically I haven’t been singled out, I suppose.  I’m not alone, except the others have more to do in the running of the new event, me? I’m just a mere ear/shoulder for them, my friends, and a lowly little blogger!

It’s things like this that other people seem to just shrug off and not worry about, but me? I mull things over that have no “closure” to them, of course the closure should be me accepting it, but I’m still struggling with that one a little as it all seems so ridiculous!   I’m sure i’m not the first, nor last person that will feel like this over anything, but I probably am the only one that will let it bother me this much.  What did I say in the last post? Always wear my heart and my feelings on my sleeve, sometimes it’s not a good thing, but hey, at least i’m honest!

Ok so I got to the end of this vent and I’m already feeling like I should be “shrug, move on, life goes on” about it, but I know next time I see someone rave about something and I go oooooooOoooOoooohh, then realise I can’t obtain it right now, I’m going to be all glumface again.

Some people have been really supportive and let me vent to them repeatedly, and some… have not, and that’s fine.  Nobody wants to put themselves in the line of fire, especially not when the line seems to be random and all over the place, can’t say I haven’t been disappointed by a few things that have been said/done, but it has certainly made me analyse what I say, to whom, and look a bit closer at a few things.

I miss SL circa 2004-2006, when I felt that the community was tight knit and strong, and don’t get me wrong, I think it still is in some ways, and for some groups, but I miss my little group, the glory days have gone, and that’s another thing I need to understand and get past, 2006 ain’t ever coming back, Willis.   Ever.

 

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Nuts.

Sometimes we are all a little nuts.  I’m kind of nuts at least one a month,  usually more.   I’m a sad kind of nuts, I don’t do much during the nutty times other than feel sad.  

I’m someone that wears my heart… and my nuts on my sleeve, and I think sometimes people don’t like that.   You have a moment and voice it and then sit back and feel people are looking at you side eyeing, then you feel like you should apologise.   I say you,  I mean me.

I’m not sorry for who I am though.   I may be slightly nutty,  I may have emotions that take over more than they should,  but what you see is what you get with me,  no airs,  no graces,  no hidden agenda or sudden change of persona… just me.

I sometimes feel like peeking out and making friends,  then I’m sometimes reminded why it’s better to just keep your head up,  but your ass firmly behind that rock.  I have some amazinnnggg friends that will listen to me all day every day,  whether I’m being silly or serious,  then I have some that I thought were friends,  but I’m starting to think maybe we aren’t as friendly as I thought,  that makes me sad and kinda disappointed but it is what it is and I’m ok with that,  I’m not always the friend that reaches out,  but I am the friend that will always be there.

The thing about feelings and nuts.. is everyone has them,  everyone deals with their nuts differently.   Some people put a mask on,  some people pretend they’re completely chirpy and LIFE IS SO GOOD DON’T WASTE IT.   Yeah it is,  but don’t act like you don’t have bad days just because you aren’t as vocal about them.

I’m actually quite an upbeat person when it comes to other ppls problems,  it’s my own advice I can’t swallow often.   So I may whinge,  I may be down,  I may voice it.. but I’m aware it’s just emotions.  My life is actually very blessed,  but I won’t lie that I have a bad day,  and I may want to whine about it,  it doesn’t make me any more nutty than everyone else,  I need to remember that.

I’m just #awkward.  My socks say so.

image

1

Tired

The tired consumes me.  It’s not your normal kind of wake up and go UGH I’m a bit sleepy tired, it overwhelms me.   I think people think when I say “I’m tired” I just need a nap, it’s not that kind of tired… it’s so hard to explain.

I could nap, and nap, and nap… and I would still just want to cry I am that tired.  Then the next step is suggesting a Doctor, yep, I’ve done that several times, nothing is every pursued.. it’s always just “Iron Tablets and better sleep”… yeah thanks Dr Obvious, not tried those before.

It’s my own fault for not pushing the Dr more, insisting on a blood test or something, although they did one once and my blood count levels were fine, despite as being as pale as sparkly vampire.  I should change Dr’s really, mine are all crap.  One has the most Ginger hair and beard you ever did see, and wears entirely yellow and orange clothing, right down to ties and shoes.   He worries me a bit.  The others all got their degrees out of Kinder Eggs, i’m sure.

Being tired is no fun for me, or anyone around me.  I am so groggy in the mornings that I struggle to leave bed and sort myself out, but of course, being a parent, you don’t really get a choice!  Then of course the grumps kick in, people like to mock my grumpiness, and usually I am just being a brat… but it’s really not funny lol.  Sometimes it’s mocked and I think… it’s not funny! Don’t laugh at me, I’m suffering!!! But how would they know, Grumpy Willis (Heather) will throw a table in jest all the time, never do know when the table really is being launched.  If I am truly grumpy, I tend to stay away.. because my fuse is short and not known to tolerate much without exploding.

Simon was mean to me this morning about it, and it’s ok… he doesn’t understand, how can anyone really truly understand how tired you are? They aren’t you.. but a bit of sympathy wouldn’t go amiss at times!   So anyway I was all wah wah wah it’s irritating and he told me he knew exactly how irritating it was, and that upset me… I don’t mean to be irritating or mean or grouchy, I’m just soooooo tired it just comes out.  Ah well.  What am I doing to help myself? He asked… then the whole Dr convo came up again and then he suggested thanks to the internet, I may be depressed… he might not be wrong… but again, I have been to the Dr, ticked the little boxes honestly and nothing.

What is a girl to do!?

Well, I guess I should eat more veg and fruit, I started this morning with a Blush Pear, it tasted like shit and made my teeth feel furry.  Good start.   I do exercise more now, and I do feel good afterwards, I could up that but then I would feel like I live in the gym, I don’t like it THAT much.  But we shall see, I may up it once a week or so, or even just try and go for half an hour, seems like a bit of a faff but if it helps, yay!  Am I eating enough? HAAHAHAH yes.  I think so, although on Monday My Fitness Pal told me I was 400 calories short, and I only eat 1450 a day.  Ugh. I guess I should take more notice of what I’m shoving in.  I really fucking love KFC Gravy tho.

Ok see now i’m cracking jokes, this is why people can’t tell when I’m serious!!!

Ok in all seriousness, I am thinking of switching Dr’s, because clearly mine are all sorts of craptastic and unhelpful, that’s if you ever get in to see them at all.  Do you know how difficult it is to switch Dr’s tho! The questions they ask you! Tut.   But I am going to have a look today, see if there are any near me taking new patients then HOPE someone actually takes me seriously.

I am tired, hear me yawn.

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One of *THOSE* days.

You know the ones, the ones where you’re tired and grouchy and irritable and people talk to you and you just want to audibly SIGH at what they say.   IT’s one of *THOSE* days.

I was hungover yesterday, which seems stupid as I didn’t drink that much Saturday night, but alas.. I spent the day feeling quite bad, and usually the day after a hangover day I spend feeling tired, so it’s my own fault.

So it’s a Monday, one of those days, and I’m at work.  I really just want to be curled up in bed, but nope. NO BED FOR ME!   I’m feeling more tired than normal lately,  i’m always tired though so it’s no surprise.  People keep saying go to the dr, go to the dr, but I’ve been to the dr and he’s as useful as a chocolate teapot.   I’ve started taking vitamins again, and I am going to dedicate time to making more effort with food.   More fruit, more veg etc… I love it! I just never seem to have the time to do anything good with it, well that’s a crock of shit right there isn’t it? Who doesn’t have time to prep fruit and veg???  Again, my own doing. SIGH.

So I’ve started MFP again and counting calories, I have been watching what I eat, but not as religiously as before, and I’m tired of not losing weight.  You eat “properly” (fine fine not that properly), you go to the gym 3 x a week and you don’t lose weight…. you start to get cranky.   Of course I need to lift weights to see toning up happening, so going to have to introduce that into my workout but UGH that half of the gym is filled with fit men in tight shorts. I DON’T WANT TO VENTURE IN THERE WITH MY EXTRA (thousand) POUNDAGE! DAMMMN YOUUUUUUUU.

Ugh, I am in such a horrible mood.  I want to actually punch myself.  I shan’t though, it would hurt.

Yeah ok i’m going to stop whinging now.  LATERS TATERS.