Random vent here!
So, it’s an SL related vent. Part of me is like “gurrrrl, you should not let this be bothering you”, part of me is all “Blahblehbluh”.. and another part, well, I just feel frustration!
I was banned from a popular event recently, one I have blogged religiously since the day the doors opened, the reason for this ban isn’t really that clear to me, because I’ve never really had an explanation (along with a couple of others bannees), but it seems it’s because it was thought I was involved on a managerial/partner of another event, which was not and is not the case, and I have explained my plight/case/woe/whatever to the appropriate parties and have been met with a wall of silence (well actually I wasn’t to start with, but after a brief conversation and what I thought was “sorting it out” it seems the wall went up). Now… why am I upset about this? Nine years I’ve been in SL in May, Nine… and this is the first time I have ever been banned from anywhere and what makes me frustrated is the fact that it is for no reason, I didn’t do anything wrong, or bad, I didn’t copy or steal, I didn’t make a huge fuss about anything, hell, I didn’t even do what it is I think they think I have done (confused much? join the club)… and it just leaves me… wanting to just scream.
If there is one thing in life I cannot abide, it’s being frustrated. Now, it’s well within anybodies rights in SL or RL or wherever to do whatever they please to whomever they please, for whatever reason.. but that doesn’t make it any less frustrating for those involved, especially when it’s all so seemingly.. silly, for want of a better word and don’t get me started on the use of words where this vent is concerned.
It’s not like I can’t wait for the items sold at any event as long as it’s not exclusive to be out in the main store, and I am more than happy to do that, but it just really riles me that as a customer I want to support creators I love that participate in said event, and can’t. Sure I could ask for the items direct, but why would I want to do that? I do actually get some of the items in the event sent to me via blogger lists I am on, but then I feel torn. Should I blog them? I want to, it’s not the creators fault, but do I want to showcase an event that I am not allowed to participate in? Not really. Do I want to be the bigger/better person? ALWAYS!… but not at the cost of my own self worth, which is how I feel about it on and off. I am worth more than that, jesus, it’s only pixels! Why am I so annoyed? I wish I knew, but I am, it really irks me and that probably is the reaction some might want when they ban someone, but I can’t for the life of me work out why you’d want that, unless you’re just not a very nice person, but I don’t think that’s the case. (I like to see the brighter side of things and the good in everyone, it’s a downfall, or maybe it’s a good thing).
I feel dumb for venting about this, and in the grand scheme of life, it’s nothing, not even a blip on a radar, but to me, on and off, it really fucking matters because I hate things that have no rhyme or reason behind them. Other people are participating on both a creator and blogger level for this event, AND the new one.. so why have I been singled out for punishment? Although technically I haven’t been singled out, I suppose. I’m not alone, except the others have more to do in the running of the new event, me? I’m just a mere ear/shoulder for them, my friends, and a lowly little blogger!
It’s things like this that other people seem to just shrug off and not worry about, but me? I mull things over that have no “closure” to them, of course the closure should be me accepting it, but I’m still struggling with that one a little as it all seems so ridiculous! I’m sure i’m not the first, nor last person that will feel like this over anything, but I probably am the only one that will let it bother me this much. What did I say in the last post? Always wear my heart and my feelings on my sleeve, sometimes it’s not a good thing, but hey, at least i’m honest!
Ok so I got to the end of this vent and I’m already feeling like I should be “shrug, move on, life goes on” about it, but I know next time I see someone rave about something and I go oooooooOoooOoooohh, then realise I can’t obtain it right now, I’m going to be all glumface again.
Some people have been really supportive and let me vent to them repeatedly, and some… have not, and that’s fine. Nobody wants to put themselves in the line of fire, especially not when the line seems to be random and all over the place, can’t say I haven’t been disappointed by a few things that have been said/done, but it has certainly made me analyse what I say, to whom, and look a bit closer at a few things.
I miss SL circa 2004-2006, when I felt that the community was tight knit and strong, and don’t get me wrong, I think it still is in some ways, and for some groups, but I miss my little group, the glory days have gone, and that’s another thing I need to understand and get past, 2006 ain’t ever coming back, Willis. Ever.