The tired consumes me.  It’s not your normal kind of wake up and go UGH I’m a bit sleepy tired, it overwhelms me.   I think people think when I say “I’m tired” I just need a nap, it’s not that kind of tired… it’s so hard to explain.

I could nap, and nap, and nap… and I would still just want to cry I am that tired.  Then the next step is suggesting a Doctor, yep, I’ve done that several times, nothing is every pursued.. it’s always just “Iron Tablets and better sleep”… yeah thanks Dr Obvious, not tried those before.

It’s my own fault for not pushing the Dr more, insisting on a blood test or something, although they did one once and my blood count levels were fine, despite as being as pale as sparkly vampire.  I should change Dr’s really, mine are all crap.  One has the most Ginger hair and beard you ever did see, and wears entirely yellow and orange clothing, right down to ties and shoes.   He worries me a bit.  The others all got their degrees out of Kinder Eggs, i’m sure.

Being tired is no fun for me, or anyone around me.  I am so groggy in the mornings that I struggle to leave bed and sort myself out, but of course, being a parent, you don’t really get a choice!  Then of course the grumps kick in, people like to mock my grumpiness, and usually I am just being a brat… but it’s really not funny lol.  Sometimes it’s mocked and I think… it’s not funny! Don’t laugh at me, I’m suffering!!! But how would they know, Grumpy Willis (Heather) will throw a table in jest all the time, never do know when the table really is being launched.  If I am truly grumpy, I tend to stay away.. because my fuse is short and not known to tolerate much without exploding.

Simon was mean to me this morning about it, and it’s ok… he doesn’t understand, how can anyone really truly understand how tired you are? They aren’t you.. but a bit of sympathy wouldn’t go amiss at times!   So anyway I was all wah wah wah it’s irritating and he told me he knew exactly how irritating it was, and that upset me… I don’t mean to be irritating or mean or grouchy, I’m just soooooo tired it just comes out.  Ah well.  What am I doing to help myself? He asked… then the whole Dr convo came up again and then he suggested thanks to the internet, I may be depressed… he might not be wrong… but again, I have been to the Dr, ticked the little boxes honestly and nothing.

What is a girl to do!?

Well, I guess I should eat more veg and fruit, I started this morning with a Blush Pear, it tasted like shit and made my teeth feel furry.  Good start.   I do exercise more now, and I do feel good afterwards, I could up that but then I would feel like I live in the gym, I don’t like it THAT much.  But we shall see, I may up it once a week or so, or even just try and go for half an hour, seems like a bit of a faff but if it helps, yay!  Am I eating enough? HAAHAHAH yes.  I think so, although on Monday My Fitness Pal told me I was 400 calories short, and I only eat 1450 a day.  Ugh. I guess I should take more notice of what I’m shoving in.  I really fucking love KFC Gravy tho.

Ok see now i’m cracking jokes, this is why people can’t tell when I’m serious!!!

Ok in all seriousness, I am thinking of switching Dr’s, because clearly mine are all sorts of craptastic and unhelpful, that’s if you ever get in to see them at all.  Do you know how difficult it is to switch Dr’s tho! The questions they ask you! Tut.   But I am going to have a look today, see if there are any near me taking new patients then HOPE someone actually takes me seriously.

I am tired, hear me yawn.


One thought on “Tired

  1. We’ve known (well, strongly suspected) for a long time that you’re depressed and stressed out. I don’t think you should just take antidepressants and everything will be better (they can help but they’re not a cure all). It could be that CBT may be good for you, with or without medication. If you’re not comfortable with your current doctors then changing is a good idea. The good news is that there’s been a big push for CBT for depression and anxiety to be provided by GP surgeries so hopefully it won’t be too hard to access and will help.

    *Squishes* I remember the tiredness from depression very well, but you can get better and things can be easier. And yes, increasing your fruit and veg is good, but make them nice ones so you’re not put off (I’m a big fan of bananas and frozen grapes here) 🙂

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