That is what I should be called. I am one of those irritating people that worry, about everything. Infact if I have nothing to worry about, I worry about not having something to worry about and I create a worry. It’s no way to live, I know! But I don’t take everything really seriously, I know i’m an emotional failure sometimes… but don’t take anything I say quite as seriously as perhaps you may, I like a good joke and a rant, but I’m always “OK”.
I decided a month or so back, to take a step back from SL. Because I just found I was anxious about everything, the drama, the people, the hate that you sometimes see flying around plurk/forums/wherever… of course I’m not one of these people that are like OMG SL IS CRAPPPP, it’s not, it’s bought me a lot of joy and I don’t think it’s a bad place, I think it’s what you make of it.. sadly I was letting things drag me down, which is my own fault… nobody elses, but I decided it was time to change it up a bit.
My day BEFORE I decided to step back kind of consisted of getting up early to grab half an hour on SL to get a picture for a blog done/prep a blog for release during the day, sort the kids out, get them to school, work 9-5ish, come home, do dinner, do mum related things, do house related things, try and grab time before bed to finish a blog/prep for tomorrows blog/shop on SL, then bed.
Doesn’t sound much fun does it? But to me it was semi normal. Simon and I aren’t a couple that sit and watch TV together at night, or things like that, I mean we do… but we can be doing other things too… mine was above, his was studying… but it just didn’t feel much like fun to me.
Now my day looks a bit more like have a lay in (WOOO!), sort the kids out, school, work, home, dinner, mum stuff/house stuff, RELAX… bed. In my relax time I read a bit more, watch tv a bit more, go to the gym, see my friends, cook/experiment with cooking, I’ve started volunteering at an Animal Shelter and sometimes… it involves SL! It doesn’t sound like much of a difference, but it is.
But this comes at a price. A few people have said to me “You’re the most dedicated blogger I know” and I often thought awww, that’s sweet! I have been blogging since 2006, back from the day of 1 or 2 bloggers peppered about, not the day of 10-20 new bloggers a day sprouting up while 100-200 (hahaha add another nought?) already have established and well loved blogs… it’s NOT as easy now a days, imo, to be recognised as a blogger, unless you have a really unique look, great pictures, an already established following, or in the most severe of cases (and yeah I could name a couple) you jam yourself up every available arse until you get 4000000 flickr views a day and blog for everyone on the grid… ain’t nobody got time for that.
What is this price? Well my stats are dropping and I have whinged to anybody and everybody that will listen about this (thankkks guisseeee)… I’ve gone from the odd 150 a day to around 60-100 a day, depending on if (and oddly enough, when) I blog. Of course the logical person in me says to myself … you, at one point, blogged daily, if not 2 or sometimes 3 times a day, and sometimes you crammed about 8 items into a post.. and now you blog when you feel like it, which at the minute seems to be averaging about every other day… and you’re on feeds, so your stats aren’t totally “true” anyway… and AND the most important bit… you’re having FUN with what you blog, it doesn’t feel like a chore, you don’t feel anxious or stressed, you’re taking time to do prettier picutres instead of bog standard ones, leaving your comfort zone and also, you’re a little bit excited about thinking of having a home in SL again and doing other things that don’t include blogging… how is this a bad thing?
It’s a stupid worry, right? If i’m feeling better in myself, apart from the tiny bit of anxiety about stats/views dropping, and I’m getting things done in RL I’ve wanted to do AND it’s making me want to log in SL a bit more and do what I’ve wanted (have fun, not be a machine)… what is there to worry about?
Of course I have the people that are like if you reach out to one person and make a difference, that is great, if you reach out to 50 that is great… if you are doing what you want to do and feeling better for it, THAT is great… and I agree with them, then I see people that are like “well if my stats were dropping i’d do more about it” and I think should I go back to doing it again? NO, of course I shouldn’t, it wasn’t making me happy.. but this is what I do to myself. I try and put myself first but never quite manage it, I’m more concerned about an SL blog than I am my own happiness, although I would be happier if I had 48 hrs in a day and could do everything I wanted to DO and retain my blog to the standard I used to, but.. I don’t.
I go through a huge stage of things like this. This is just my example at the moment, because it’s happening, but it’s not always SL related, and mostly it’s always something stupid, that nobody with a sane brain would worry about.
I’m a bit tired of being an emotional spaz. Truely.