I usually detest Tuesdays, it’s my longest work day, therefore making it the longest day in HISTORY of the world ever, well, at least once a week anyway.
I logged in SL tonight, I wanted to get a blogpost done, I’m still in my meeeh SL funk at the minute, it comes, it goes… sometimes I want to be social more and I reach out, sometimes I just want to be alone with my thoughts or my inventory and let it whir away.
I’ve been a member of Second Life for 9 years soon, Nine! Lots of people have come and gone, some are still around, new people come, they go or they stay, some are nice, some are not, some i want to hug with my arms and comfort, some I want to hug with a vice and squish. The whole premise of SL is “Your World, Your Imagination” and I used to believe that, and I still do to some extent, although I do believe now, that if you let it happen, other people can strongly influence what you do in there, and how you feel about it.
I’m one of those people. I’m forever telling people not to worry about things, to ignore the drama, to carry on regardless, it’s their place, nobody elses… yet when a funk hits me, it hits me hard and every time it happens the will and strength it takes to get back up again is less and less.. or is that more and more?!
I firmly believe I am one of those people that just worry for fun, like it’s not actually fun, but I do it anyway, if I haven’t got something to worry or fret about, I worry about it, i probably need to sit down with a therapist or just someone random with a hammer they can hit me with, whichever is cheaper.
I worry about it all, SL, plurk, the internet, my friendships, the randoms, the people that don’t matter, the people that do, the things I do, the things i don’t, what he said, what she said, what someone may say or may not say… can you imagine how much that affects you? I can tell you it’s not fun! I’m trying to learn not to be that person, it’s not fun, it’s not healthy and most of all it’s not necessary! If I am happy, and those I care about are happy, shouldn’t that be all that matters? I think so, but i can’t quite seem to grasp it, it comes into reach and then I freak out and it runs off again.
I recently disabled my plurk for the sake of my sanity, it can be a wonderful place and it has been somewhere I have met some terrific peeps, but it’s also been a place where i’ve seen sides of people i don’t like, so many politics about who likes who, or who does what and stuff, and I don’t want to be part of all that, every community has it’s ups and downs but I think i preferred my bubble better, but there are people I miss seeing, even if it’s just a fleeting “hi” plurk, or they join in having fun and dorking about, but I tell myself that they can reach me on SL if they want to, or gmail, or twitter.. or skype, or any of that good stuff, nobody really has.. but there you go. It’s easy to be social on there, but it’s also easy to let yourself be affected by the negative side of it, like I obviously have, and it sucks that I feel I need to not be there on a large scale but maybe one day I’ll feel differently.
I over think everything that’s my problem. But I’ve been on Plurk for about as long as it’s been about, it’s a bit like removing a limb, same with SL! I’ve been there a long time, and at the beginning it was all friends and fun and clubs and dorking around the world on a dildo car, but back then the world was teeny, now i seem to have fallen into a trap where it feels like a chore, and I don’t want to social because I don’t want to bother people, or bore them, or whatever reason….
This is my RL blog, but this is something that is affecting my mood, it’s made me very sombre the last week or two, and I’m slowly shaking it, but sometimes just one thing can remind you of why you were sombre in the first place, and I guess that happened today.
But ho hum, life could be worse, wayyyy worse and everything other than my online woe is hunky mcdory, so really, I should stop moping and worrying and just be thankful and happy, and well… me.